I wanna write

Once upon a time in a misty litte village lived a dwarf boy and his gnome parents. All the other gnome boys would laugh at him because he was a dwarf and not a gnome. He didn't care though cause he had a trusty hash pipe. All day he would sit with Alice and together they would explore the new wonderland beneath the mushroom forrest. Twas there that he discovered the magic of it all. He didnt even know where he was or what was going on in the story but alice had her tits in a knot and that gave him his best thought yet:"Gnomes and dwarfs are not that different (perhaps a slight difference,and gnomes wear funny hats and chill in gardens while dwarfs chill underground)". he considered this for a moment then he jumped up and round-house kicked Alice in the teeth. "You human bitch!why didnt you tell me about the gulf war?!" he shouted, "Fuck you, lets go to a sexy party...NOW!". Alice wiped the blood off her chest and smiled a toothless grin. He reached up and climed up her pony tale,riding her like camel towards a lumo sexy party. That was all to embarrassing for alice who threw him into a coffee grinder that emptied into a mincing machine which poured the remains of the poor dwarf onto two pieces of bread. Mmmm,dwarf sandwich!

The End

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Ronny Moodle

Me name is Ronny Moodle and I live with me mam in a small place in Dublin. It’s not much but it’s the only home I’ve ever know. There’s been a lot ‘a talk round town bout me on account of me age. Folk don’t think it’s right fer a grown lad like meself te be living with me mam. They say it’s unhealthy or some other bollocks. Anyway when I was down the pub the night befer last I strolled through te the pisser only te find Mickey O’Donovan waiting fer me. He’s been teasing me bout me curly red hair and patchy freckles since I was a toddler. I seem to maintain the position of turning the other cheek on account of the fact that he’s a big lad. A big lad fired up on a couple of stale pints of Guinness waiting fer you at the entrance te the bog; it’s the stuff nightmares are made of. It didn’t get any better. I spent most of tha’ night with me head in the crapper, misplacing my inhaler in the process and having a mild panic attack. I told me mam I’m moving out.

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